Everyone brings their own emotional baggage into a relationship. Even when you’ve found a partner that you’re totally compatible with, that baggage can get unpacked and create trouble. Being overcome by insecurity in a relationship would certainly fall into the “it’s me, not you” category of why things might fail. Before that happens, you want to try and stop that insecurity from festering and triggering arguments. Here are 7 things you need to consider to deal and overcome insecurity in a relationship.
Dealing insecurity in a relationship
1. Cut Out the Comparisons
Feeling insecure in a relationship often goes hand-in-hand with jealousy and that usually starts by comparing yourself to others. More specifically, you compare yourself to your partner’s former relationships. Those people might be long gone or even in another state. However, you will feel as though you’re not as good looking or as charming as those past flames were.
That can lead you to start thinking the same way about anyone who comes into the purview of your partner. That’s why you want to cut out the comparisons. The person you’re in a relationship with is with you. If they were looking for something else, then wouldn’t you really know that?
2. Appreciate Your Special Qualities
Feeling insecure in a relationship means you spend a lot of time picking on yourself. You don’t measure up. You’re not good enough. You don’t deserve to be with someone so great. That is the kind of negative thinking that needs to be flipped around. Think about how many people you have in your life that are outside of your relationship.
Don’t they matter to you? You’ve got friends and family who embrace and appreciate all your special qualities. Those qualities don’t stop when you are with your partner. Perhaps they should be amplified! What makes you the great person that your friends and family see? That’s who you want to share with your partner.
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3. Seek Out the Truth
Insecurity breeds doubt. That usually translates into being misinformed about a wide variety of issues. If you have a doubt about something, then seek out the truth by asking the right questions of your partner.
Your biggest insecurity might have to do with whether or not you make them happy. The truth could be that you do make them happy but they’re internalizing some other stress that needs support. Seeking out the truth can start a dialogue that can bring you closer together as a couple.
4. Control What You Can Control
You can’t stop your partner from talking to someone. Whether they’re at work or out in social situations, they’re going to have conversations with other people and, yes, sometimes those other people will be attractive. Don’t you do the same thing? Of course, you do.
Conversations are just that, conversations. As much as you would like to, you’re never going to be able to read your partner’s mind. You also can’t listen into all of their conversations. You don’t even have to know what they were about. If there is something to share, then they’re (they will) share. Otherwise, it might just be talk about the weather!
5. Get to the Root Cause
The way to overcome insecurity in a relationship is to get to the root cause. That means an introspective journey into yourself. It is a safe bet that the feelings of insecurity you are experiencing in this relationship you’ve experienced before.
In fact, you might have been carrying these insecurities around with you for your entire life. It is time to find out what these triggers are all about. To get there, you might want to seek out the support of a therapist. Don’t be intimidated from talking to a therapist. This exploration will be worth the effort.
[Read also: Effective Tips to Improve Your Love Life]
6. Stop Creating False Problems
How many problems are caused in your relationship because you make stuff up? Maybe your partner is having a bad day for reasons that have nothing to do with you. What do you do?
You create a scenario where their bad mood is because of something you did or didn’t do. To move beyond that, you want to find out what is really going on and then find a way to support them. Sometimes that support can simply be giving them the space to work through their issues on their own. Knowing you’re there might be all they’re going to need.
7. Stay with the Positives
You’ll never be able to overcome insecurity in a relationship if you stay focused on the negatives. Is your relationship perfect? Probably not. Will it ever be? Probably not. If you keep focusing on what is wrong, then there is no chance for love to flourish. You have to bring in the positive feelings.
What is working between you? What are the good times you’ve shared and are looking forward to? What are you doing to make that person happy today? Staying on the positive side of things makes no room for insecurity.