Neil Sedaka once sang, “Breaking up is hard to do” and he was quite right. Why are break-ups hard? Perhaps it is a surprise to one individual in the relationship. What once was a happy courtship has become dull and boring. Maybe both people in the relationship realize that the couple is no longer compatible.
Sometimes, break-ups are mutual, but often, one person has lost interest in the relationship for one reason or another. When this happens, one person is left hurt and confused. However, some people take break-ups much more harshly than others.
Why do some people bounce back from the end of a relationship while others find themselves deeply disappointed or depressed? Let’s take a look at some reasons why some people can’t handle break-ups.
1. No self-esteem
Unfortunately, some people find their worth in the strength of their relationships. When a break-up occurs, these individuals blame themselves. Often, they will react in very unhealthy ways as a result.
Sometimes break-ups occur because one individual is not ready for the responsibility of a real relationship. This has nothing to do with the other individual, and it makes “it’s not you, it’s me” a reality.
Learn that a break-up doesn’t have to be your fault. If another person no longer wants to be in a relationship, there is absolutely nothing you can do to make that person stay.
[Read also: The Dos and Don’ts To Break Up With Someone In Peace]
2. Some individuals are very sensitive.
Again, this ties in with one’s self-esteem. The break-up might not be your fault at all.
At the same time, there are some individuals who are highly sensitive. They may easily get their feelings hurt by their significant other’s moods or words spoken out of emotion. Unfortunately for the sensitive individual, some partners will leave a relationship if they feel they have to walk on eggshells around you.
You want your partner to accept your moods – good and bad. Learn to accept theirs. No one will be happy all the time. Harsh things may be said. Learn to give your partner space when he or she needs it.
3. There are those of us who cannot accept rejection.
The relationship didn’t work out for whatever reason. There are those who simply cannot believe their partner would call it quits. They refuse to believe they would ever do anything that would make a person leave.
This is often the time when the rejected partner becomes bitter. He or she may say very disparaging things about the partner who left.
You may be hurt, but hold your tongue. You ruin whatever possibility there remains of the failed relationship becoming a friendship by talking negatively about the former partner. Yes, you’re hurt, but learn to move on without bitterness. This could affect future relationships if you can’t move on from a relationship without doing your best to ruin the reputation of your former love.
[Read also: 9 Ways to Help You Recover From a Toxic Relationship]
4. The very first break-up is often the hardest.
A first time break-up can be devastating for many reasons. If a person has little relationship experience, the first time a heart is broken is often the most painful – and most memorable.
The hurt after a first break-up can be compounded if the relationship was a long-term one. You’ve developed a routine with this person. You’ve also likely developed a friendship with this individual. Not only will this break-up affect you emotionally, but it can seem like a life-changing event.
Although a first-time break-up is often very difficult, it is important to take lessons you’ve learned from the relationship to grow your own self. Learn to enjoy your own company. Take in a movie on your own. Is there a place you wanted to go but your significant other didn’t care to? Be strong enough in your own identity that you can go and enjoy yourself.
5. You were highly committed to the relationship – but your partner wasn’t.
This is tough to accept, and it can make a break-up very difficult. However, if both you and your partner are not giving the relationship an equal amount of effort, you are never going to feel truly loved and happy. Relationships only work when both partners put in equal effort. In the long run, you’ll be glad you found someone who puts in the same amount of interest and effort as you do.
[Read also: Forget Someone You Love In 10 Simple Steps]
6. You expected way too much from the relationship, and your partner couldn’t deliver.
Again, if you are unable to get the same effort from your partner in a relationship, you’ll never truly be happy. Move on from the relationship with the knowledge that you are worth equal effort from your partner.
Sometimes you’ll meet someone who simply isn’t emotionally ready for a real relationship. Count your losses and move on to someone who is.
7. Being blinded by love is never a healthy thing.
Unfortunately, “love” can make us overlook some really negative aspects in our partner’s personality. We may dismiss very bad habits. We may even fool ourselves into thinking we can magically change that wayward partner.
Read – no one changes unless they want to do so. No amount of love you give him or her is going to change that.
Give yourself some time. You’ll start to see that the break-up might not have been such a bad thing after all! Take the experience as a lesson to watch out for red flags at the beginning of a relationship – before you start to form an emotional attachment. It will be so much easier to remove yourself from a potentially dangerous relationship if you haven’t emotionally bonded to the person.