How Understanding Your Partner’s Love Language Can Transform Your Relationship

July 27, 2023

Do you find yourself expressing love for your partner but feeling like it goes unnoticed? Have you ever considered that you might be speaking different love languages? As it turns out, trying hard to show love is not enough if you use the wrong methods.

It’s time to learn the best practices of understanding your partner’s love language to enhance your romantic relationship.

Why Is It Vital to Speak Your Partner’s Love Language?

Imagine a situation where you agree to eat in the same restaurant for the rest of your days and find out that they only serve meat while you are a vegetarian.

It’s the same with relationships. Your partner is the only source of romantic love you can get (ideally), but they give you only the type of love they want, not the one you need. How long do you think this relationship will last?

Most people express their love the way they want to be loved. For instance, you might think that cooking a healthy dinner for your partner will make them happy because you are a fan of a healthy lifestyle. In reality, your significant other who prefers burgers and french fries might think you’re trying to change or “fix” them.

Do you see how a simple act of love may be perceived as a mockery or a threat to freedom of personal choice? You may offend your partner even without realizing it, and it’s all because you’re inattentive to their way of receiving love and affection.

If you cherish your current relationship and wish to evolve as a couple, you must start paying attention to your partner’s love language and act accordingly.

How Expressing the Correct Love Language Benefits Your Relationship

Expressing love the way your partner prefers is associated with overall relationship satisfaction. A 2022 study surveyed 100 couples and assessed their expressions of love. The study found that when people showed love to their partners in the way they liked, the couple felt happier and had a better love life.

Here’s how happiness in a relationship rises when you speak your partner’s love language.

– Improved Communication: Understanding each other’s love languages enables you to communicate your feelings more openly and effectively. This way, you minimize misunderstandings and hear each other’s needs better.
– Deeper Emotional Connection: When you speak your partner’s love language, it brings you closer emotionally and makes them feel appreciated. An emotional bond creates greater intimacy and trust between you both.
– Relationship Satisfaction. Relationship satisfaction rises when partners feel loved and cared for in their preferred way. And when your partner feels happy, they give back the love they receive, thus creating a healthy cycle of positive actions and emotions in a couple.
– Effective Conflict Resolution: Having effective communication, empathy, and happiness in your arsenal will make you and your partner approach conflict with compassion and a willingness to understand each other.
– Lasting Commitment: By actively using each other’s love languages, your relationship will have a solid foundation and be more resilient to potential difficulties. You will be more dedicated to finding solutions in challenging situations because you will be interested in saving your relationships.

What Are the 5 Love Languages?

As described by Dr. Gary Chapman, five love languages are fundamental ways that each of us uses to express and receive love. Without further ado, let’s look at each of them.

1. Words of Affirmation

This love language encompasses using spoken or written words to acknowledge and value their significant other. It involves praising, motivating, and conveying affection and admiration through words. People who prefer showing and receiving affection often verbally encourage and support those around them.

2. Acts of Service

This love language emphasizes engaging in actions that demonstrate care and support for your partner. It may include doing tasks that make their life easier or more enjoyable, such as preparing meals or running errands.

3. Receiving Gifts

This love language centers around the significance of gifts as material symbols that convey love and affection. It involves giving meaningful presents to demonstrate to your partner that you think about their needs and value their presence in your life.

4. Quality Time

This love language highlights the importance of giving undivided attention and sharing meaningful time. It encompasses participating in activities, having profound conversations, and creating shared experiences that strengthen emotional connection and intimacy.

5. Physical Touch

This love language revolves around expressing love and care through physical contact. It involves hugging, holding hands, cuddling, or any other form of physical affection that signifies comfort and closeness.

Discover Your Partner’s Love Language

Statistical research on causes of marital couple splits identified lack of commitment as the most common reason. As it turns out, 75% of couples break up because they don’t feel their partner put enough effort into the relationship.

But maybe it’s not the lack of effort but the lack of understanding of how to strengthen the ties between the partners.

The most effective way to find out what your partner loves is to ask them directly. If they are in the mood, you can even suggest one of the free online tests to identify their love language.

If asking them is not on the table, it’s time to let out your inner Sherlock Holmes and look for the clues. You see, people usually show love in the exact way they want to receive it. So, if your partner likes to cuddle or walk hand-in-hand whenever you go, notice these signs. The frequency of each sign will then tell you what your partner likes more.

You can also try using all five languages and look at the result. Does your partner’s mood improve, or do they ignore your efforts? Depending on their personality type, they might tell you immediately if they’re uncomfortable or hate something. Others will use non-verbal language to show how they feel. Pay attention.

How to Apply Love Languages in Your Relationship

A mere understanding of what your partner loves and avoiding what they hate won’t make your relationship rewarding. Remember that you should “fill up the love tank” every now and then – preferably at least once a week.

If you want to transform your relationship or take it to the next level, you must be more proactive. When you know your partner’s love language, choose a suitable strategy and stick to it.

It leads us to examples of applying different methods of showing love to your partner using the “love languages” concept.

1. Praise and Encourage

Start small if you’re not used to saying words of support and encouragement. Analyze what you appreciate in your partner or their actions and complement that. The more you find things you’re grateful for and speak up about it, the less awkward it will become.

Try the following phrases:

I love that you’re so optimistic / rational / stylish etc. I’m so lucky that you’re with me.

Thank you for making breakfast / lunch for me today. You’re always so considerate.

You look great in this outfit. I can’t take my eyes off you.

I like how you handled this situation. You’ve got the talent to help people.

Well, you’ve got the idea. Just make sure you’re honest and sincere and not trying too hard.

2. Schedule the Time Exclusively for Your Partner

If your significant other prefers quality time together, you must make room for it. Choose a time when you both are free and spend an hour or two together. You can stay at home or plan an evening out. It depends on your preferences and mood.

As for the pastime, pick one that suits both of you or try to share your partner’s interests. Maybe it won’t be as exciting as doing something you enjoy, but it will definitely give you some bonus points.

And while at it, pay attention to your partner’s words and emotions instead of staring at your phone every two minutes. Postpone all unimportant calls and settle all vital issues in advance.

3. Don’t Forget About the Gifts

Giving unexpected presents is one of the easiest ways to show love if your partner prefers this path. You don’t have to spend a fortune to show your feelings and please your significant other. Often, attention is more important to your partner than the price tag.

Plus, buying someone a gift can bring you joy as a giver. One study found that spending your income on others, e.g., your loved one, leads to getting more happy yourself. So it’s a win-win.

If you’re unsure what to give someone you care about, asking their friends or family for advice is okay. There’s nothing to be ashamed of because you intend to do something thoughtful and not just waste money on useless things.

4. Learn How to Help

Acts of service may be one of the most helpful love languages appealing to rational and grounded individuals. Some of us can easily see what others need and step in. Others can only focus primarily on their needs, which doesn’t necessarily make them selfish.

If you want to help but have no clue what your partner expects of you, ask directly. Again, it’s the best way to get things done. Maybe your partner hates refueling their gas tank or needs you to share the house chores. Talk to them and make a list of things together. Otherwise, offer your assistance whenever possible.

5. Add More Physical Interaction

Research proves a significant role of physical touch in our well-being. In particular, the human body produces more cortisol (happiness hormone) in response to pleasant touches.

Tactile receptors are located throughout the body, which gives people with this love language many possibilities. You can express various shades of feelings through physical interaction: tenderness, care, and affection.

Touches you can employ more in your relationship are:

• massage

• cuddling

• light kisses

• feet rubbing

• holding hands

• hugging

To master this language, take time to test what kind of touches your partner likes. You can start with rare light touches and change the pressure to see how they react. Consider their wishes and preferences to create a suitable emotional atmosphere.

In a nutshell, understanding your partner’s love language can vastly improve your relationship if you implement this knowledge in your daily life. You connect deeper and become closer when you use each other’s love language. Eventually, this journey will lead to a loving, harmonious, and long-lasting partnership.