He still has your heart and you would do absolutely anything to get your ex-boyfriend back. You are still in love with him and there is a good chance that he might still be in love with you too. You might still be in contact or it could be someone you have been split up with for a while now. Regardless, you wake up thinking about him or you go to sleep thinking about him. He is always on your mind and is the one who gave you butterflies.
Things might have gone wrong for a little while, but if you are still feeling the way that you do, you need to at least give it a shot to try to get your ex-boyfriend back, so you will have no regrets. There are some ways you might just be able to get him back after all so that you can rekindle that spark and start over again. Nothing is more comfortable than being with someone who already knows you inside and out. Take a glance over some of these factors and apply them to your love life with your ex and you might just be able to get your ex-boyfriend back.
Find the real reason you broke up
What caused you to break up in the first place? Did he give you a legitimate reason? Sometimes we break up in the heat of an argument and we are left without closure. There might be real reasons that you broke up but there might be others to consider.
– He didn’t feel attracted to you anymore
This is unfortunate but it is not your downfall. It is his loss. This is superficial because the looks on the outside are not the same as what is on the inside. The exterior of both of you will always change but what is underneath the skin and within the soul will always remain the same. This is a lame excuse to ever get dumped. Put on something sexy and confident and maybe just accidentally run into him again. You are that same beautiful woman he once found very attractive.
– He was bored in your relationship
Really? Sometimes relationships do get a little too comfortable and it can lead to boredom. Did he want to hang out with his guy friends more or what was he really wanting? Relationships are not always exciting and vivacious but there are ways to spunk up your relationship so that it does not bored the both of you to tears. You are exciting! What was he thinking? Too many nights indoors with Netflix? All it takes is a little spicing up of your relationship every now and then.
– He was not emotionally and sexually fulfilled by you
This can be a tough one. Sometimes when someone does not feel emotional gratification from their significant other, it could quite possibly be because you all did not take the time to sit down and talk about what it takes to satisfy his emotional needs. Does he need someone to sit and listen or sometimes need to cry and not tell anyone? You are one another’s rock and you can fulfill each other’s emotions but it takes communication. As far as sex goes, it is pretty simple.
Spice things up in the bedroom and maybe talk about how often he would like to be intimate. You do not have to totally change if you have a busy schedule but compromise does not hurt either of you. Learn a few new tricks and it is likely that he will be begging to have you back. Do not let bad sex rip up your relationship. There are ways to communicate this problem too so that you are both left sexually satisfied.
– He felt insecure
Why is he so insecure? Is he sizing himself up to other guys or was he paranoid that you were just too hot for him? Reassure him. Sometimes a man needs his ego stroked just a little bit so that he can feel more secure. It can be the little things that can help him feel a little bit better about himself. Take time to compliment him and be encouraging. You just need to figure out what his insecurities are and again, this is one of those issues that could have been cured with a little bit of communication between the two of you.
– He didn’t know what he was searching for
Does anyone? Sometimes you just feel a spark between the two of you. He may feel like he is too young to settle down or does not quite have his running around out of his system. If you went into the relationship not knowing what the other expected, that is completely normal but it takes time to nurture and grow. He might have just realized that you were so close to what he was looking for that he had to put the brakes on for a little bit just to be sure that you are the one.
With a little bit of time, he might very likely come back to you. Make sure you at least stay in his head. Do not be crazy but maybe send him a casual text “Hello, have a great day!” every now and then. Keep it under control and perhaps just try to reach out to him every now and then. It at least lets him know that you are still thinking about him.
– Was he a cheater? Did he drink too much or was he always in trouble?
RED FLAG ALERT! Sometimes couples can get past cheating. It takes time to build back up that trust again but some couples who really have the solid foundation can do it. If he drinks too much, he might have deeper issues than you can fix. This situation can be hard for you but you might need to help him get help. If he is always in trouble with the law, you really need to think about if you want any part of being with him until he grows up a little bit.
Bad boys can be attractive but it is soooo not worth having to keep bail money ready in case of emergencies all the time. Make sure he has qualities that you really are sure that you can live with. If he was physically, emotionally, or mentally abusive, stay away…for good. No one deserves that.
Do you really want to get your ex back?
Be sure that you want him back. What is your reasoning for wanting him back? You may think, “I need him.” No, you don’t need anyone. You may want him. But if your heart really still reverts back to him, then you might want him back after all. If you are just bored and lonely and cannot seem to find another guy right now, let it go. There are some instances when you should let that ex be just a memory.
– Don’t try to get him back just because you do not want to be alone
Girl, you are not alone! You have friends and family and really this is not even about him specifically. This is about you. You are not broken but you feel like you just want to be in a relationship. You do not have to be co-dependent on someone just to get you through your days. Take time to enjoy the things that you want to do. You do not have to be with someone to feel complete whether it is your ex or someone else. You will still feel like something is missing whether you are in a relationship or not. The only thing that a relationship is in this case is a distraction. You do not want to waste your time or his.
– You might think you want to be with him until you find someone better
Again, you are wasting each other’s time. Enjoy the single life. The grass is always greener on the other side. Sometimes when you are in a relationship, you may long for your single days again. So, see this as an opportunity to find things that you want to do and discover new interests or take a trip. Make this time about you. Along the way, you might just find someone better but it is not fair to be with someone just to be with someone. You are just wasting each other’s time.
This is not a healthy mindset to even be in because you are holding yourself back and hung up on the past. Make sure that why you want him back are truly valid reasons like he adds vibrancy and love to your life in ways that you cannot explain.
Try to get your ex-boyfriend back for healthy reasons
You can try to get your ex-boyfriend back for much healthier reasons. You might feel like some of those reasons were already good enough for you to try to get him back but are you truly listening to yourself? Getting your ex-boyfriend back because you think you need him or are waiting for someone better? Quit wasting your time and your ex’s. No false promises of being together. If you want to be honest with him, you have to be honest with yourself! Here are some reasons that are really worth fighting to get him back:
– You had more great times together than bad ones
You may have had to help each other through some hard times but that does not mean those were bad times. It simply means you trusted each other immensely and were able to get through some of life’s obstacles and you work together better as a team. There has been love and laughter and you have had a lot of great times together. There may be a lot of really good history there between the two of you that it is worth trying to put it all back together and try to salvage the relationship. But if you have had too many bad times that it is even hard to remember the good ones, consider yourself lucky and drive on.
– Your life is empty without him
You truly love him and your life feels empty without him. Make sure you are not just missing your ex-boyfriend. You may have gone out with other guys and you may find yourself just not feeling the same at all. You may have even had short relationships that were like rebounds and it helped put things into perspective. You realize that you really did love your ex-boyfriend and he still holds a piece of your heart. You may realize that no one else you have ever been with has made you feel the same way that your ex-boyfriend did.
If your heart is truly aching and you try to think of a something bad to say about him and truly cannot, you really may need to reach out and see if the feeling is still mutual. If it is meant to be, it will be but you might have to be patient for him to come to the same realization. If you are lucky, he has already realized it.
Don’t put your life on hold
What you should not do in your efforts to get him back… Yes, there are some things you shouldn’t do, in the case that you want to get your ex-boyfriend back into your life for a mature relationship that fulfills the both of you. In the end, this is definitely something he won’t like at all!
– Not going out and staying home
Don’t put your life on hold just to wait for your ex to come in and sweep you back off your feet. While you might be waiting for him to call or text you or hope that he will drop by, you cannot just sit around and wait on him. You have a life too and you can do things with or without him.
Keep busy with your interests, hobbies, and your own friends. If you sit around and wait for life to bypass you, you may start to realize that you are missing out on making your own memories with others or by yourself. By staying home and waiting around, you appear too desperate.
– Drinking and smoking too much
You may have been a hard core partier before, but going out and drinking and smoking too much can be a bit immature. You are not going to win anyone over by blowing all of your money on smoking and drinking. You can enjoy the occasional night out and drink, but do it in moderation.
If he sees you as too much of a partier, he may not take you that seriously which means he might think you do not take your relationship seriously either. Also, will he have to worry that you will keep wanting to go out and overindulge all the time?
Don’t try to make him jealous
Winning your ex-boyfriend back over is never going to work if you use other guys to try to make him jealous. You are likely just setting yourself up for a fight. This is just a game and in a real relationship, do you really want to play games with each other? It will never win him over but instead it will probably make him mad and maybe even believe he cannot trust you.
How are you acting around other guys? If you flirt too much with other guys or are constantly trying too hard to make sure that he knows that other guys may want you too, how will he ever be able to take your relationship seriously?
Use acceptable efforts
There are some things you can do to get your ex-boyfriend back which are classy methods. These are tactful and are acceptable and show that you are responsible as well as ready for a healthy and meaningful relationship.
– Make physical changes
You shouldn’t have to change for anyone, but you should change just for you. The added bonus is that you will start to turn his head a little bit more and be more reminded of the knock out hottie that you are. Go to the gym and get in shape. Make yourself feel good about you. Eat healthier and have an overall healthier lifestyle. It will make you feel better about yourself and you will not have to ever be insecure in a restarted relationship because you know you are still making yourself feel better.
Get a manicure and a pedicure and feel refreshed. Update your wardrobe and buy pieces that are flattering and sexy. Take care of your appearance so that he will notice your beautiful glow and remember what he is missing out on.
– Work on other life changes
Try to work on things mentally so you feel awesome about yourself. Try to reconnect with your friends and make new ones. Find things that make you feel good about yourself and maintain hobbies you once had stopped or learn how to do something new. He might take interest in your new hobbies and see that you are changing yourself and that you are a strong person on your own. The more independent a woman appears to be, the more enticing she is to a man.
– See if your friends can check to see if he is still within your reach
Don’t overdo it or your friends will get tired of it but don’t hesitate to ask your mutual friends if your ex-boyfriend is single or dating someone else. They might be able to offer a little bit of insight on how he is living his life without you and if he is handling it or if he also asks about you or talks about you. Your mutual guy friends are pretty helpful in this instance because they might be able to subtly drop your name and then relay back to you how he feels.
Good girl friends that you both have in your same circle may be able to drop hints that you have been asking about him and then fill him in that you are still single. Whatever he replies to them with will help you to figure out a game plan on how to proceed. They might even encourage you to try to contact him again.
– Get in contact with him again
⋅ Text him. If it is a holiday, text him to wish him a good holiday. If you have heard he got a job promotion, text him and congratulate him. If you are just thinking about him, go ahead and text him something short like, “Hey, been wondering what you have been up to,” or “How have you been?” There is no need to ramble on yet. Just break the ice.
If he responds soon and he seems pretty open, then go with it. If he is your ex, you might be able to read him pretty well based on his response. Just remember, that texts are not as personable because it is impossible to tell someone’s demeanor based on their reply.
⋅ Write a letter. This is a bit old fashioned and you might want to opt for an email instead. However, sometimes it is a good thing to just open the door a little bit. Don’t go overboard in a letter and seem too clingy. If he is away somewhere, it might be nice to receive mail. You can always just have the paper and envelope laying right near you when you go to put on some perfume. That scent of you could provoke a fond memory.
Emails are less personal but still, it gives you more of a chance to say a little more than you might in a text to show that you are being a little more thoughtful. However, it’s not necessary to write a novel and spill to him how you are so distraught and your life is over without him. Be cool and positive. Remember the things he really likes about you and use that tone when you correspond with him.
⋅ Use social media. Even though you don’t want to come across as the ex who stalks her ex-boyfriend on social media, there is nothing wrong with writing a little message using Facebook or sending a direct Tweet. You might even use a hashtag for a #ThrowbackThursday and post an old picture of you and a group of friends that has him in it and post it on Instagram. Reach out without being creepy or seeming like a stalker.
Finally, arrange a date with him
Maybe things are warming up with him just a little bit after texting or emailing back and forth. Test the water and ask him to go out for a coffee or a drink after work. When you are around each other, it is much easier to get a feel for what he is thinking. He may pick up the check or hold the door or even put his arm around you. Just don’t read too much into it, but do look for signs that things are going well rather than focusing on the past which could lead to a disagreement.
How much time should you wait until you start to see results?
This varies significantly per situation and individual. If things ended badly the first time around with one of you making a mistake that resulted in hurt feelings, it could take a while for the other one to come around. You don’t have to be persistent. If he wants to spend time with you and contact you, he will. The time that you don’t spend with him, don’t wait around. If you aren’t sure how things are going, don’t go on another date just to see if you can make him jealous.
See how things play out with your ex to see if there is a chance. Proceed with caution until you get the green light. When he wants to be back with you, you will likely know it. He will show little gestures and contact you more and even go out of his way to try to see you again.
Conclusion – Some things to keep in mind…
If you have tried some of these methods and you end up just feeling hurt or you are getting the cold treatment, it’s likely that it won’t happen. You don’t have to give up on your ex-boyfriend but it could mean that he needs a little bit more time before he is ready to get back with you.
– You can’t get angry or upset
He is your ex-boyfriend for a reason. There is something there that was a reason why you split up in the first place. Don’t get upset if you find out that he has moved on. If he has dated someone else since you broke up, you can’t get mad about it. You both needed space to figure out if being together is what you both wanted. Don’t get jealous either. Envious green isn’t a good look for you. If it is meant to be, it will be.
Sometimes you just have to wait it out. Not everyone comes to the same conclusion that they should get back together at the same time.
– Manage your expectations
Don’t expect for things to be exactly how they once were. Since you have broken up, you both have probably changed a little bit. You both might be a little bit more cautious. Give it a little bit of time to warm back up again. Every flame starts with a spark. Even if it has once been extinguished, it still takes a spark to start the fire going again.
Don’t be surprised if the first few times around each other is a little awkward. If it is not awkward, then that is a good sign but don’t be discouraged if it is. These thing take time.
– Don’t rush things.
You don’t always have to meet up the day after the first call. Test the water to see how he feels about you. It will prove to him that you are willing to mellow out and not pressure him. Men sometimes fold under those circumstances. You have to make sure that he can cut ties with someone else, if there is a ‘someone else,’ so that he can continue to explore things with you.
If you keep being pushy, he will likely turn and run the other direction. He doesn’t have to call all of the shots but you have to take his life into consideration. He is busy too.
– You should always be positive and have a lot of patience.
There is a reason you broke up. You both know it. Do not sit back and ponder on it. If you want to move forward, you are going to have to put all of that stuff in your past behind you. Continuing to bring it up can only bring negative energy and bad vibes and maybe even a little bit of resentment. You just need to be optimistic and upbeat. If you are having a bad day, maybe he is not the one to first run to with your problems. Not yet, anyway.
Remember that you took a while to get into a nice, secure, and loving relationship before and to seal the deal as an exclusive couple the first time. While you do have a little bit more history and it should be a little bit easier to get back into that old groove, just remember that something about that old groove was not grooving for both of you which is why it ended in the first place. Be patient and let it play out. Even if you love him to pieces, just wait to say how you feel until you think it might be reciprocated.
He is likely testing the waters too in order to see how you feel about him and neither of you need to be bombarded with emotions. Take a deep breath and learn how to date each other again. He will be able to see what an amazing person you are and how much you truly shine brighter than all the others when he sees what a strong, confident, and independent woman you have become.
Good Luck!!! I’m waiting for your comments!
