Do I Love Him, or Am I Just Attached?

Love is a beautiful thing, and everyone wants to enjoy the feeling. Sometimes though, you can confuse love for attachment and vice versa. However, there’s a difference if you’re genuinely in love and when just attached. But how do you know when you love him or you’re just attached?

15 Signs that You’re Just Attached and Not in Love

1. Attachment makes you selfish

When you’re in love, you’ll be selfless, but attachment makes you selfish. If you’re in love with him, you’ll try your best to see him happy. You’ll also make him know you care and want to meet his needs. True love won’t allow you to manipulate, follow or force him into things he doesn’t like.

2. You don’t care about his feelings

However, if you’re just attached to him, you’ll not care much about his feelings. Instead, you’ll want him to be doing things that only make you happy. In some instances, you’ll force him to do whatever pleases you without bothering about how he’ll feel afterward.

3. You want to control him

When you’re attached to him, you will quickly get angry if he doesn’t meet your expectations, something that’s so selfish. If you love him, you’ll not control him, but attachment does that.When you love him, you’ll be yourself and be free with one another. You will strive to make him better, wish to see him prosper in life, and be his protector.

4. Loving means trust

Loving him will make you develop trust and work for your success in the relationship. With attachment, all you’ll care about is if he does what you want every time. Without him meeting your demands, you’ll mostly be looking for other options to force him into your ways. If he’s a social being with many friends, you’ll find ways to separate him from them.

You’ll either cite insecurity or lack of enough time together. Being attached to him may also make you do things you’d never do to any man in your rightful senses. For example, forcing him to spend most of his time with you when he doesn’t want to do so.

5. Love has no time limit, while attachment has a time limitation

If you love him, you’ll never be in a rush to either formalize your relationship or make people know about it. You’ll want to take your time to learn more about him, even if he’s your childhood friend. If you love him, you’ll also take your time to emotionally get attached to him, allow him to prepare adequately financially before getting married or engaged.

However, the attachment will make you force things even when it seems not to be working out. All you want to do is have him around you, even in the odd hours, without considering how he feels.

[Read also: How To Deal Insecurity In A Relationship]

6. Love comes with challenges, but when you’re attached, you’ll rarely see that

If you love him, you’ll fight, separate, reconcile, and get together as if nothing happened. You will also work to see both of you succeed in your relationship, no matter where you’re. If it’s a long-distance relationship, you’ll ensure you stay loyal to him and bear all the challenges that come with it.

However, if you’re just attached to him, you’ll only see the pinch when you’re not together. Your primary target will be how many times you see him and not strive to grow your relationship. You’ll never have a long-term goal with him since you’re not in love; hence no challenges. The relationship will be more about how you’ll feel and not what he sees about the matter.

7. Love is a mutual feeling, but being attached is forcing things your way

If you love him, he should also reciprocate with no second thought. Love will make both of you work towards a common goal and want to see either of the partners succeed. By loving him, you understand that two are better than one. You’ll also know that there are things you can’t achieve without him.

But if you’re attached to him, you’ll never bother whether the relationship leads nowhere or if he’s unhappy. You will mostly not resolve serious matters since that’s not your main concern. Being attached can make you expect him to have no mistakes. But you’ll not allow him to mention any of your weaknesses. With such an attitude, you’ll not be able to work as a team but rather compete with him.

8. If you love him, the feeling will never change, but being attached is just for some time

If you love your partner, you’ll never forget about him, even if you separate for years. For you, he’s the only man you’ll truly understand and care for. You will do everything within your means to have him back and, if not, cherish him secretly. If you never get the chance to get back together after a breakup, you’ll wish him well in his endeavors.

But if you are just attached to him, you’ll be a bitter person after breaking up. To you, he’ll have betrayed your trust and even curse him. Attachment can make you plan revenge since you’re disappointed with him for not maintaining your happiness. If you move on from the attachment, you’ll never want anything to do with him and even assume he never existed in your life.

9. You need communication when you’re in love

Although there’s a need for constant communication when you’re in love, attachment makes you do it to the extreme. If you’re attached to him, you’ll want to communicate throughout the day without a break which is unhealthy.

10. You don’t give him personal space

If you genuinely love him, you’ll give him personal space, which will also spice up the relationship. You’ll not want to expose him to different people, call or text too much, or spend most of your time together. But being attached will make you prove points that are irrelevant to him.

11. You can’t trust him

Being attached makes you a jealous partner who can’t trust him with anyone. You’ll likely live in fear of losing him to your friends or any girl around him. Jealousy can make you possessive and control a man while not loving him.

12. You are stuck to old practices

Being attached can make you stick to old practices, which may not allow your relationship to blossom. You will see everything to be okay even when all is breaking apart.

13. You expect more than you’ll offer

If you’re attached, you expect him to give you more than you’ll offer. To you, the advantages of having him in your life are more significant than your commitment.

14. You lose your identity

You lose your identity if you’re attached to him since you believe there’s nothing you can do without him. All you’ll do is follow him blindly and, at times, fail to question him when he’s wrong for fear of losing him.

15. Looking to validate your feelings for him

If you like posting him to your social media accounts or introducing him to your friends, know it’s an attachment. All you’re trying to do is validate your feelings for him and set boundaries with your competitors.

Hi! I'm Maya Taylor. I'm glad to have the opportunity to share my thoughts and experiences through this blog. I'm a couples and relationships counselor since 2008. My friends call me "relationships therapist". I'm passionate with life and I believe that life is meaningless without love. Hope to have a great communication through!